Apa perasaanmu ketika kamu sudah merasa mengorbakan segalanya tapi hasilnya hancur?
Belakangan ini aku merasa semuanya hancur. Mencoba untuk melawan takdir, merasa mampu mengubah segalanya. Menolak beberapa tawaran kerja demi mewujudkan mimpi-mimpi halusinasi.
This phase of life is killing me. Suicidal idea come to surface again. Fuck!!!
Everything just seems didn't work out. I put my effort to my new career path.
I got chance. Twice. But i fucked up both.
Or maybe i just do not put my 100% on those.
Oh God.
Aku putusin untuk switch career. Aku putusin aku punya punya pinjaman. Menolak beberapa tawaran kerja untuk jadi newbie di career yg baru. Lamar kerjaan sana-sini. But, yeah...
Aku putusin untuk mencoba menyukai seseorang lagi. Seorang perempuan yang bahkan kami belum pernah ketemu. She didn't even know that i exist, and seems like that she already got a new man. But why my heart feel shattered again?
My head is so heavy right now.
God, do you hear my pray? Do you know what i feel now? Do you know what i need now? Do you know what i want the most?
Oh, sorry. I remember that i never get what i want the most, but why you made this feeling grow in my heart?
Was those things are not enough? You want to torture me more?
Please, God, enough. I want to be happy. Cheerish my life. Enjoying everything that happend every day.
Why
Why
Why i keep pointing at you? blaming everything on You? Or i get too much expected to You?
Are you there God?
Oh! I fucked up my life again, as usual!
